A Seldom Used Form of Carpentry

I apologize if any of this is incoherent, I haven't had a decent night of sleep since the Clinton administration.

That may be slightly exaggerated...but I feel like the walking dead nonetheless.

It's the baby's fault really. He's in there laughing while I'm staring at the ceiling at 2 am thinking about nominal clauses, my grocery list, and oh yeah I'M HAVING A BABY IN 7 WEEKS OR LESS.

Due to my inability to stay asleep, I decided to consult a professional. By professional, I mean my friend Lianne who has recently birthed her third child and is an expert on many topics. You won't get a more professional evaluation than that of a Mother of 3 through text messaging. Here's how it went down (We are both English Majors so yes, we punctuate our text messages):

Rachel: Did you ever have any horrendous, pregnancy insomnia?

Lianne: YES!! About the last 2-3 months of it because I could not get/stay comfortable.

Rachel: It's killing me! I have NEVER had problems sleeping (at night) before!

Lianne: Just nap whenever you can. I couldn't sleep at night, but I could saw some logs after lunch every day.



Wait....what?


Did she just say "saw some logs"?

Not to overuse a cliche' acronym...but I quite literally LOLed!. I laughed right out loud at that message.

I laughed again when I recanted the story to Jason. I laughed again when I used it in my facebook status, and I laughed again when I thought about it in the shower.

I got some funny responses when my facebook status said, "I'm about to go saw all these logs that piled up on me last night."

Translation: "I'm about to take a nap to make up for the sleep I DIDN'T get last night."

Some thought it was sexual innuendo, some thought it had to do with bodily excrement...my own husband didn't even believe such a phrase could have such a meaning.

He just knew Lianne and I had made that up. That had to be something that only folks from counties such as Marion or Escambia would say.

He was very disappointed to have the validity of "sawing logs" verified by his North Carolina coworker who also introduced me to "calling hogs."

Maybe it's pregnancy related delirium, maybe because it reminds me of my PawPaw, or maybe it's the Tylenol PM I plan to have as a snack, but tonight, I have a feeling I'm going to be sawing a good many logs.

Or having nightmares of Leatherface....