A Seldom Used Form of Carpentry

I apologize if any of this is incoherent, I haven't had a decent night of sleep since the Clinton administration.

That may be slightly exaggerated...but I feel like the walking dead nonetheless.

It's the baby's fault really. He's in there laughing while I'm staring at the ceiling at 2 am thinking about nominal clauses, my grocery list, and oh yeah I'M HAVING A BABY IN 7 WEEKS OR LESS.

Due to my inability to stay asleep, I decided to consult a professional. By professional, I mean my friend Lianne who has recently birthed her third child and is an expert on many topics. You won't get a more professional evaluation than that of a Mother of 3 through text messaging. Here's how it went down (We are both English Majors so yes, we punctuate our text messages):

Rachel: Did you ever have any horrendous, pregnancy insomnia?

Lianne: YES!! About the last 2-3 months of it because I could not get/stay comfortable.

Rachel: It's killing me! I have NEVER had problems sleeping (at night) before!

Lianne: Just nap whenever you can. I couldn't sleep at night, but I could saw some logs after lunch every day.



Wait....what?


Did she just say "saw some logs"?

Not to overuse a cliche' acronym...but I quite literally LOLed!. I laughed right out loud at that message.

I laughed again when I recanted the story to Jason. I laughed again when I used it in my facebook status, and I laughed again when I thought about it in the shower.

I got some funny responses when my facebook status said, "I'm about to go saw all these logs that piled up on me last night."

Translation: "I'm about to take a nap to make up for the sleep I DIDN'T get last night."

Some thought it was sexual innuendo, some thought it had to do with bodily excrement...my own husband didn't even believe such a phrase could have such a meaning.

He just knew Lianne and I had made that up. That had to be something that only folks from counties such as Marion or Escambia would say.

He was very disappointed to have the validity of "sawing logs" verified by his North Carolina coworker who also introduced me to "calling hogs."

Maybe it's pregnancy related delirium, maybe because it reminds me of my PawPaw, or maybe it's the Tylenol PM I plan to have as a snack, but tonight, I have a feeling I'm going to be sawing a good many logs.

Or having nightmares of Leatherface....

93% Savings? Yes Please!

Here is what I got today:
So it's probably evident that I don't have a lot of hobbies! I've taken up extreme shopping as a new hobby and it's working out pretty well. As a result of some strategic planning, coupon cutting and using stores rewards programs, I spent $5.92 on all this stuff today. The total cost of all of this would have been $80.59! So, um.....if you trust the math of the English major, I saved 93%! As much as I would love to have you over, give you a glass of tea, and explain to you in painstaking detail how I did all of this, I can see you cringing from here, so I'll spare you the details unless y'all just reeeeally want them.

To put things in perspective, take that pack of Huggies diapers for example. The regular price for those is $11.00 (not that I have EVER paid full price for diapers). Basically, I spent about half the cost of ONE pack of diapers and got ALL this stuff!

Go me!

My Goings On

It's been a long time since I've posted and boy, we've had a LOT going on. I'm still pregnant and feeling more so every day! Right now, I'm 21 weeks!


Some days I feel huge but this picture doesn't look like it for some reason.

In case you didn't know.......

The blue blanket means we're having (another) BOY!
Jason and I have narrowed our choices down to 3 names. He won't give me free reign so I told him to choose between the 3. He's really, really procrastinating. Right now, his name is Mister Baby Robinson but if his DADDY hasn't made a decision in a few days, he's going to become Cletus the Fetus.

He may not have a name...

But he has a diaper bag!


Also, we color coordinated for Easter :)


My sweet Joe gets better looking every day! I just don't know what I'm going to do with him!


Today, on the way to school, Joe and I saw the most gigantor turtle I have ever seen:

My Dad thinks he was a gopher tortoise, about 12-15 years old and not even full grown!
I wanted to put my shoe in the picture for perspective but I was afraid he would bite my foot off (turns out they're gentle). From my estimate, he was about 2 feet long from his nose to his tail. His shell was like a serving platter!

Last, but certainly not least, the bittersweet news.

My dear, sweet Grandma passed away March 30th. She was just a wonderful person. She was well loved and well taken care of. I already miss her so much, but I know, thanks to my Savior Jesus Christ, I will see her again! She is no longer sick, she is no longer missing her husband, and she is rocking her only baby boy.

Thank y'all for reading and I'll see you again soon!

Things I Will Never Understand

1. Gigantor hairbows on little girls


2. Gigantor hairbows on grown women


3. Why THESE types of outfits (for boys) are available in sizes up to 5!


4. Hair that's both black and blonde at the same time (on purpose)


5. Twilight....There I said it!


There are many things in the world I don't understand, but these are just a few that have been troubling me lately.

In other news, I am 15 weeks pregnant, the baby is the size of an avocado, and I'm tired as poo!

It's That Time of Year Again!

AMERICAN IDOL!!!

Yep, I said it. I LOVE American Idol. I don't love the auditions though. I really only like watching the good musicians compete, not the horrible exploitations of the really terrible and delusional people.

I have watched every season of American Idol except the first one, which turns out to be fine since I can't STAND Kelly Clarkson. She just seems so arrogant. Also, she should really fire her stylist. I'm okay with her not being skinny (even though if I had her money I certainly would be) but the problem lies in the fact that NOTHING she ever wears is flattering to her body type. She always looks like a stuffed sausage! Believe me, with my lack of maternity leggings, I know what a sausage looks like!

I'm sure I'll get some hate for that one, but I'm pregnant so I get to say what I want right?

Nope.

Anyway, I think this season of AI has some great and really diverse talent. So far, my favorites are:

Mike Lynch (Big Mike)- I think he's immensely talented and he totally dwarfs his guitar! It almost looks like he's playing a ukulele.

Casey Something...Johnson maybe? Anyway- Hanson hair + Cowboy boots + awesome talent is pretty much the trifecta of good gracious for me :)

Crystal Bowersox- She has some of the best raw talent I have ever seen. At first I thought she was your typical bar singer. But when she sang "Natural Woman" I knew she was much more than that.

It's kind of sad, but I always hope my favorites don't win. Unless they fit just right into that American Idol box, their talent is manipulated in such a way that they can no longer be "themselves."

I can't vouch for this, but I'm pretty sure the first CD for the winner of the show has already been written and is just waiting for a face to go on the cover. The only exception I've seen to this is Carrie Underwood. They sort of let her do her own thing (country) and look at what she has become. I like Carrie (so does my Husband but that's beside the point...) but I don't like ALL of her songs.

Man, I'm really rambling....

Oh well, get used to it because I LOVE to talk about American Idol!

See y'all soon!

Playing Catch-Up

Alternately titled: A really long post with all the news and pictures I've been neglecting.

I really am going to revive my blog. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I'm here and I haven't forgotten about it.

Given my lack of posts since Thanksgiving, I should probably catch all 3 of you up on our business.

We survived another semester and *hopefully* have gotten to the bottom of Joe's behavior problems. Undiagnosed severe ADHD can lead a Mother to crazytown. WE are all MUCH better now though.

I made the President's list with my 4.0 for the fall semester. This one however, I'm hoping just to survive! 19 hours....geez!

We had a wonderful, amazing Christmas:

These are my favorite types of family photos!


Joe got a Terrance Cody jersey from Aunt Micki and he was SO happy! He is wearing it at school as we speak. He also slept in it last night!


We got him this big Cody photo which he freaked out over!


These are all the cousins/grandchildren on my Mama's side of the family. When we were taking the picture, they said "tall ones in the back." We just looked at each other and laughed!


This might be the only photo of all 3 of us from Christmas day.


All of us but my Dad who had to work. Mom, thanks for making me look pale! Tall, but pale.

Which is quite the opposite of my friends Rachel Red and Allie:

Who make me look rather tan, but short!

Now let me tell you what my dear, sweet husband has been up to:

Oh, not much, just killing the first deer of his life! 9 point buck, 178 lbs! We will be eating deer meat for at least a year and I couldn't be more excited!


Jason and Adam were in the shooting house together when he got it. He used Adam's gun because the scope is better. Adam has also killed a doe this year!

Jason has also been flooring our attic:

Callie tried to help!

Also, there was this little thing called ALABAMA GOING UNDEFEATED AND WINNING THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!!! ROLL TIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well folks, I promise to do better. If you're still reading this and still care about our lives, I'll keep it going. Maybe 2010 will be more interesting!

Who Knew?

Who knew Joe was so wildly talented?

Case in point: He can hold 5 cars using only his toes!

Who knew I'd look so rough after 5 and a half hours in the car?

(...raises hand....I did!)

Who knew a temporary Alabama tattoo could be so stylish?


Okay, maybe not

Anybody order a glittery old lady with a side of back rolls? No?

Who knew my children could be so sweet?

Okay...I did.

Who knew my heart would melt at the sight of a smile and an ear flop?

Lord help me! This might be too much!

Who knew my cat was Linda Blair?

Everyone.


Who knew 2 little boys could wear a total of 5 pieces of Alabama apparel at one time?

We aren't even counting the 2 I had on!

Who knew my boy is about to be 7?

Sigh...

Who knew?

I guess I did.

A Plastic Paradox

On Saturday, Joe bought some action figure men at a yard sale. He named them Astro and Acai (yep, like the berry). These men have seen some interesting action over the past few days, I'm sure. They have fought to high heaven, laid on top of the dog and cats, slid down many stairs, and undoubtedly wound up naked under the bed.

Joe brought Astro downstairs naked around dinner time. This is what transpired:



Me: Joe, you can't have a naked man at the table!

Joe: Why, cause it's disgusting?

Me: Well, no...it's just not proper to have his private parts out on display.

Joe: But he doesn't have any private parts!

Touche Joe. Too-shay.

Random Updates

Lately, between writing horrendous poetry, reading Faulkner, classroom observations, and keeping my head on straight, I haven't had a whole lot of time to do much of anything. In recompense, I offer a numbered list of our most recent accomplishments and musings.

1. First grade does not seem to be agreeing with Joe. I'm not sure if this is the result of a conflict between he and the teacher or not, but it's getting rough. He is in trouble literally every day. He gets notes home for things like "sliding his book around on the table" or "kicking the water fountain." I know he is not a bad child, but he has a lot of trouble focusing. As of right now, I'm not pleased with the way the teacher is handling the situation(s). She has 25 years of experience, but at this point, I feel like her expectations are extremely rigid. We are going to request an intervention from the counselor to see if someone can sit in and observe and maybe give us (or the teacher) some suggestions.

2. On a lighter note- Fall is here! I LOVE fall! I spent the afternoon putting out my Halloween decorations.

3. Jason is honing his new-found carpentry skills by building cabinets and shelves in the garage. I can't wait to see the finished product. So far, the only occupational incident has been a single splinter which I removed this morning.

4. There are 3 things I would like for Christmas. 2 of them are book related. I am such a nerd!

5. Wednesday just might be the best day of my life. I'm getting contacts and seeing an old friend from high school.

6. I read another Faulkner novel, Absalom, Absalom! and I really liked it. I know, I'm surprised myself.

7. Joe has a new dance called "The Charlie Brown" which cracks me up.

8. We have a family game of UNO every night now.

9. In addition to my wonderful friends Tabatha and Lauren, I've made some new friends at school. (Allie, Rachel, and Holly) We spend all day Tuesday together. Allie quilts and Rachel smocks. I feel like a combo of Mean Girls and Golden Girls.

10. ROLL TIDE!!!!!

UAB- A Plethora of Fashion Faux Pas

Disclaimer: I am in no way, shape, or form an authority on fashion. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty crappy at dressing myself and my style is relatively plain.

That being said, my eyes have been opened to the.....creativity of some of my fellow students.

Recently, my friend Rachel has opened my eyes to the revival of plaid. Maybe it really is "back" or maybe I'm just noticing it because it has been pointed out to me, but GRACIOUS it's everywhere! I just can't seem to wrap my mind around outfits like this:


Go ahead, take it all in.

My friend Lianne also recently blogged about her distaste in public pajamas. However, I must say, if you've been to college (or walmart in Alabama) you have certainly witnessed this fashion flop. In fact, at UAB no one blinks at PJ pants or "house shoes."

Today, I witnessed the mother of all fashion nightmares.
These....things....put plaid and fringe girl to SHAME!


I don't even know what to call these things, but apparently, they have their own website.

I mean, what else can you really say about these? I laughed (silently of course). I cringed.

Now I think I might need some.

Blunch and Why I Blog

Today I had lunch with some fellow Alabama bloggers. We'll call it a blunch. It was lot of fun and I met some great bloggers! A few times today, I was asked why I blog, or why I started blogging. Many of those folks blogged for a purpose....not just to tell silly stories like I do. Well, I have a few reasons why I blog. I'll share them with you in a numbered list.

1. I LOVE to write and I think I'm a pretty good writer. I mean, I am an English major. Sometimes I feel so bogged down in literary criticism and educational psychology, I absolutely lose my mind. I have to be able to write in my voice about what I want every now and then.

2. In 2007 I moved 4 hours away from every single member of my family (Thank goodness Jason's family is here). I'm very fortunate if I get to see them once every 3 or 4 months. We all miss them terribly and I know my sweet Mama and Daddy hate not getting to see Joe grow up day by day. With my blog, I can take a few minutes to keep them updated on our sometimes exciting, sometimes mundane everyday lives.

3. Jason thinks I'm antisocial. What do you do when you're antisocial? You make internet friends!

I'm so glad I got to meet some blogging friends today. I got some great insight on blogging and made some new friends!

It Finally Happened!

I've been waiting for weeks for something of interest to happen to me so that I could share it with y'all.

It happened.

I just didn't expect it to happen in the form of a humongous smattering of bird diarrhea down my garage door and driveway.



There is no place for a bird to perch above the garage door. Yes, my friends, this was a fly-by job.



I hope this is not a signifier of the way the rest of my week is going to go.

My Apologies

I am truly sorry for my blatant disregard for my blog. I have been ridiculously busy with school. In 2 weeks, my super condensed class and observation will be over and I will only have my night and online classes left to contend with. In the meantime, I just thought I'd let you know about a very short conversation that took place between my husband and I a few days ago.

Me: So, I'll bet Jon and Kate are about to announce they are getting a divorce.

Jason (puzzled): ....McCain??

CityFest!

First, let me apologize for the lack of pictures....I forgot to take my camera and yes, I know...I suck at life.


Jason and I, along with our friends Chad and Jessica, went to CityFest on Saturday. It's put on by the city of Alabaster and is pretty much awesome! There was lots of music, food, arts and crafts and a whooooole lot of kiddie stuff that I stayed away from since Joe wasn't with us.

It was estimated that there were 50,000 people there. Not bad for the suburbs!

Oh, and it was all FREE!

I even found something moderately healthy to eat, a chicken pita. I had to kneel on the ground hunched over a towel to eat said pita due to it's messiness and my neglectfully wearing a white skirt.

We saw some great bands like The Michael Warren Band, Act of Congress, The White Oaks, Tonic!!! (I love Tonic) and the culminating event was Terri Clark (who I also like, but more on her later)

It was an outdoor concert so we brought folding chairs which we set up about 50 yards from the stage. The reason I say it was 50 yards is because I have NEVER seen a T-shirt cannon shoot as far as it did. NEVER.

In between shows, I was sitting on the ground, eating aforementioned pita when they started shooting T-shirts. I kept on about my business of eating, not phased by the firing of T-shirts, because surely I was out of firing range.

That was.....until......Jason (who was sitting right behind me in a chair) jumped up and one-footed it over the back of the chair. and GRABBED A FLYING T-SHIRT right out from under the nose of an old lady all while holding a DQ dilly bar in his mouth!

It was amazing....at least, what I could see of it from under my arms while curled in the fetal position was.

I have never loved him more.

Now, back to the music. Tonic was awesome and I totally had 90s flashbacks with their songs and I liked some of their new ones too.

Terri Clark is very country, not even like something I could normally trick Jason into listening to. I saw her in 6th grade opening for George Strait and loved her then...still do. We left about halfway through to beat some of the traffic and Jason just sat and listened to her like a good husband.

To say Jason doesn't like country music would be a severe understatement. I however LOVE it unapologetically. As a matter of fact, I am absolutely dying to go to Opryland & the Grand Ole Opry. Jason, however, would rather take a silver bullet to the scrotum than spend the day immersed in the history and culture of Country music.

Maybe I'll take him to Dollywood to get his feet wet.

Trying to Think Positive Thoughts About Summer

I hate summer. Wow, that wasn't very positive....it just came out.

But yeah, I really do hate it. I hate the HOT weather, I hate the bugs, I hate spontaneously combusting when I get in my car.

I don't see how it's possible for anyone who has grown up in the great state of Alabama to like this mutiny. Life would be so much better with a pool. Jason, are you reading this?

I'm trying so very hard to enjoy tolerate this summer because I am 20 pounds lighter than last summer and my skin no longer has it's vampirish hypersensitivity to sunlight.

In the spirit of being tan(ner), thin(ner), and surviving this summer, I thought I'd share a few positive thoughts about summer this year.



Summer means Barons games!


Summer brings new growth.

Like my new tomatoes!


And my gigantic blueberry!


And my wonderful gardenias!


And my knockout roses!

But...summer also brings loss....

Like the loss of Joe's second tooth!


Seems like just yesterday he was growing those teeth.

I'm determined to make this summer a great one. I still hate the heat so if you have a pool.......want to be friends?

Please?

A Terrible Way to Spend a Sunday

Do me a favor and think of your LEAST favorite room of your house. Hmmmm....not the living room, that's where I watch TV. Not the bedrooms, that's where I sleep (I've been known to catch the occasional guest room nap). Definitely not the kitchen.

So, what is your least favorite room?

Mine is the LAUNDRY ROOM, and guess what.....Jason and I were lucky enough to spend our entire day in our laundry room.

Now to some people, like Amanda, this may not sound so bad, but let me tell you a little about our laundry room.....

CAT POOP.

Is that enough? Jason's cat's litter box lives in the laundry room. Since the litter box is Jason's job and he washes a lot of laundry, I don't spend a lot of time in there.

That came to an end today when my dear sweet husband decided that TODAY would be the day we mutilate fix our dryer.

You see, for the last few months, our dryer has had trouble drying our clothes, it has also had trouble NOT sounding like a rabid fox being hacked to death with a chainsaw. Sorry for the visual, but if you've heard it, you know.

First, I sat in the doorway and took pictures of the anarchy.


This is when I stayed back on my side of the threshold and offered only moral support.


Good job baby! You got this!


The internet offers a wealth of knowledge on home dryer repair.....NOT!


Here is where the project started to get dicey:

Yes, those are feet.

I had to intervene at this point and offer my expertise.

There was grease involved, white lithium grease to be precise.

My nails will never be the same, but the good news is that now, our dryer.....makes things DRY and doesn't make me want to stab out my eardrums with a dull pencil!

The old Jason would have taken himself right to Best Buy and bought a new dryer right then and there, but then Jason married a girl whose Daddy owns a 25 year old dryer that works like a charm. Thanks Daddy, for talking us through this debacle.

I'm looking forward to warm towels again.

A Slight Hindrance

One of my favorite things about living where I live, is the fact that we can walk to the best park in the city. We almost always walk to Joe's ball games. Tonight, we presumed, would be no different.

Let me set the stage for you. Bat bag is packed, water bottle is full and we are headed out the back gate. As soon as we get out the back gate, we are greeted with THIS:
Yes, my friends, that is a giant snake. His head (left side) is coiled so you can't quite see the hugeness of this snake. My estimation is that he was about 5 feet long.

Normally, I am not one to freak out about snakes, BUT...Joe was the first to see him and he came tearing back across the yard screaming "SNAKE!!!"

That was about the time I realized I was wearing shorts and flip-flops, leaving plenty of exposed flesh for this guy to snack on....so inevitably, I started screaming for Jason to "KILL IT!!!"

Well, Jason didn't kill it and needless to say, we wound up driving to the game.

From my guess, he is a harmless king snake. I sure hope so since he is currently still slithering around somewhere behind my house.

Dear Topamax

Dear Topamax,

You and I know each other quite well these days, but alas, our friendship must come to an end.
Trust me, this hurts me more than it hurts you. What's it been now? Six? Seven months? I know I wasn't always as gracious as I should have been, but Topamax, do you know how frustrating it is for an English major to forget words? I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I know you were only doing your job, but blanking out in the middle of a sentence is quite embarrassing. Words like inexpensive, or catastrophe sholdn't flee my mind, I'm pretty darn smart. Aw, I know you were just messing with me. Do we even need to get into the fuzzy mustache/goatee combo feeling you gave me? What about my foot going to sleep for 2 hours? I thought not.

We had some good times though, didn't we Topamax? Like that time you and I went SIXTEEN STRAIGHT DAYS without a headache! Wow, that was awesome huh? How about how I pay $35.00 a month just to bring you home with me? I'm a good person for that. I always contained my swear words to a whisper while picking you up. I think I'll devote that $35.00 a month to something frivolous, at least until I figure out how to get over you.

I never tried to hide our relationship, I always disclosed you to my doctors. Therein lies the problem, Topamax. According to my doctors, you will scramble my eggs. What if I want another baby? Don't be selfish Topamax, you know you also cause a decreased I.Q. in children of Mothers who take you while pregnant. You can't deny that one, I read it in the New York Times. Well Topamax, only a few more days and then it's goodbye. I really hope I can live without you. I won't come crawling back, I can't. You're amazing, but like that sleazy guy on the bachelor, you're just not worth the risk. I must go lie down now, I feel a headache coming on. I'll miss you Topamax.

Yours truly,
Rachel Robinson

Thoughts on Paint

I learned some things about myself and paint today. The first being that paint and I go together about as well as brownies and tartar sauce. I was dumb enough to spend my day shut in my tiny half bath with a tiny roller and a gallon of paint. Here are some helpful tips for your future paint project.

1. When your husband is picky...ahem, particular, just let him pick the paint color. Don't try to save time by just running up to Lowe's yourself. He will ultimately pick a color that is a slight variation of the color you chose, but your eyes deceive you apparently. You should have known that "Shark Fin" and "Elephant Gray" couldn't have been that similar, as they come from different realms of the animal kingdom. (We went with "Almost Charcoal." PETA, you're welcome.)

2. NO room is small enough to warrant using only a 3 inch roller. NO ROOM. Even rooms that can only fit your butt and a ladder using very creative geometry. 3 inches equals 3 hours longer!

3. Don't paint when you're mad. It results in tiny splatters everywhere. You know what? Yes, you deserved that job, and they all but promised it to you....right? Right.....their loss......anyway, where was I? Oh yes! Always be in good spirits when you paint!

4. Always leave a little paint somewhere on your body or clothing so that when you have to go to the tee-ball game, your friends will say, "Oh, you've been painting!" And you can be like, "Yes, my goodness, I have just been painting all day" and they will be totally jealous of your awesome bathroom!

I hope these tips have been helpful to you. I will probably never paint again, so feel free to come on over and put them to use in my foyer.

How was your day?

Mine? My day? Well, I'm glad you asked. It started with us NOT going to six flags because *thankgoodness* I checked the website last night and they are not open today. If we had driven to Atlanta....Jason would have left me there and picked me up tomorrow I can assure you. This means Joe will have to miss a t-ball game and a very important birthday party tomorrow but we've already bought the tickets. So after waking up and telling Joe and my Brother Adam that we would not be going to six flags, my Mom and I went to the store to get breakfast food while the boys went to get fishing bait. While we were gone, my genius dog found 4 chocolate candy bars in my Mom's bag and, let me tell you, I had to think real hard on wether or not to once again let nature take it's course.

I was advised by the vet to pour hydrogen peroxide down her throat and "wait for her to yak."

Oh she yakked alright...candy wrappers and all.

Yes, my day has been that awesome.

We then progressed to fishing without so much as a bite and a bike with two flat tires.

It's only 3:00.