There is no better way to motivate yourself to stick to a workout routine than posting "before" pictures on the internet! Ahhh! Did I really do that? I've decided since Jason is making so much progress with the p90x and there is no way in heck I am doing 60-90 minutes per night, that I would try the 30 day shred. Since I didn't want to muddy the clean waters of my blog with my workout nonsense, you can read (and see) about it Here:
http://ramblingrobinsonsshred.blogspot.com/
Please be nice and feel free to let me know if you're doing the shred as well!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Dear Topamax
Dear Topamax,
You and I know each other quite well these days, but alas, our friendship must come to an end.
Trust me, this hurts me more than it hurts you. What's it been now? Six? Seven months? I know I wasn't always as gracious as I should have been, but Topamax, do you know how frustrating it is for an English major to forget words? I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I know you were only doing your job, but blanking out in the middle of a sentence is quite embarrassing. Words like inexpensive, or catastrophe sholdn't flee my mind, I'm pretty darn smart. Aw, I know you were just messing with me. Do we even need to get into the fuzzy mustache/goatee combo feeling you gave me? What about my foot going to sleep for 2 hours? I thought not.
We had some good times though, didn't we Topamax? Like that time you and I went SIXTEEN STRAIGHT DAYS without a headache! Wow, that was awesome huh? How about how I pay $35.00 a month just to bring you home with me? I'm a good person for that. I always contained my swear words to a whisper while picking you up. I think I'll devote that $35.00 a month to something frivolous, at least until I figure out how to get over you.
I never tried to hide our relationship, I always disclosed you to my doctors. Therein lies the problem, Topamax. According to my doctors, you will scramble my eggs. What if I want another baby? Don't be selfish Topamax, you know you also cause a decreased I.Q. in children of Mothers who take you while pregnant. You can't deny that one, I read it in the New York Times. Well Topamax, only a few more days and then it's goodbye. I really hope I can live without you. I won't come crawling back, I can't. You're amazing, but like that sleazy guy on the bachelor, you're just not worth the risk. I must go lie down now, I feel a headache coming on. I'll miss you Topamax.
Yours truly,
Rachel Robinson
You and I know each other quite well these days, but alas, our friendship must come to an end.
Trust me, this hurts me more than it hurts you. What's it been now? Six? Seven months? I know I wasn't always as gracious as I should have been, but Topamax, do you know how frustrating it is for an English major to forget words? I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I know you were only doing your job, but blanking out in the middle of a sentence is quite embarrassing. Words like inexpensive, or catastrophe sholdn't flee my mind, I'm pretty darn smart. Aw, I know you were just messing with me. Do we even need to get into the fuzzy mustache/goatee combo feeling you gave me? What about my foot going to sleep for 2 hours? I thought not.
We had some good times though, didn't we Topamax? Like that time you and I went SIXTEEN STRAIGHT DAYS without a headache! Wow, that was awesome huh? How about how I pay $35.00 a month just to bring you home with me? I'm a good person for that. I always contained my swear words to a whisper while picking you up. I think I'll devote that $35.00 a month to something frivolous, at least until I figure out how to get over you.
I never tried to hide our relationship, I always disclosed you to my doctors. Therein lies the problem, Topamax. According to my doctors, you will scramble my eggs. What if I want another baby? Don't be selfish Topamax, you know you also cause a decreased I.Q. in children of Mothers who take you while pregnant. You can't deny that one, I read it in the New York Times. Well Topamax, only a few more days and then it's goodbye. I really hope I can live without you. I won't come crawling back, I can't. You're amazing, but like that sleazy guy on the bachelor, you're just not worth the risk. I must go lie down now, I feel a headache coming on. I'll miss you Topamax.
Yours truly,
Rachel Robinson
Monday, April 27, 2009
Thoughts on Paint
I learned some things about myself and paint today. The first being that paint and I go together about as well as brownies and tartar sauce. I was dumb enough to spend my day shut in my tiny half bath with a tiny roller and a gallon of paint. Here are some helpful tips for your future paint project.
1. When your husband is picky...ahem, particular, just let him pick the paint color. Don't try to save time by just running up to Lowe's yourself. He will ultimately pick a color that is a slight variation of the color you chose, but your eyes deceive you apparently. You should have known that "Shark Fin" and "Elephant Gray" couldn't have been that similar, as they come from different realms of the animal kingdom. (We went with "Almost Charcoal." PETA, you're welcome.)
2. NO room is small enough to warrant using only a 3 inch roller. NO ROOM. Even rooms that can only fit your butt and a ladder using very creative geometry. 3 inches equals 3 hours longer!
3. Don't paint when you're mad. It results in tiny splatters everywhere. You know what? Yes, you deserved that job, and they all but promised it to you....right? Right.....their loss......anyway, where was I? Oh yes! Always be in good spirits when you paint!
4. Always leave a little paint somewhere on your body or clothing so that when you have to go to the tee-ball game, your friends will say, "Oh, you've been painting!" And you can be like, "Yes, my goodness, I have just been painting all day" and they will be totally jealous of your awesome bathroom!
I hope these tips have been helpful to you. I will probably never paint again, so feel free to come on over and put them to use in my foyer.
1. When your husband is picky...ahem, particular, just let him pick the paint color. Don't try to save time by just running up to Lowe's yourself. He will ultimately pick a color that is a slight variation of the color you chose, but your eyes deceive you apparently. You should have known that "Shark Fin" and "Elephant Gray" couldn't have been that similar, as they come from different realms of the animal kingdom. (We went with "Almost Charcoal." PETA, you're welcome.)
2. NO room is small enough to warrant using only a 3 inch roller. NO ROOM. Even rooms that can only fit your butt and a ladder using very creative geometry. 3 inches equals 3 hours longer!
3. Don't paint when you're mad. It results in tiny splatters everywhere. You know what? Yes, you deserved that job, and they all but promised it to you....right? Right.....their loss......anyway, where was I? Oh yes! Always be in good spirits when you paint!
4. Always leave a little paint somewhere on your body or clothing so that when you have to go to the tee-ball game, your friends will say, "Oh, you've been painting!" And you can be like, "Yes, my goodness, I have just been painting all day" and they will be totally jealous of your awesome bathroom!
I hope these tips have been helpful to you. I will probably never paint again, so feel free to come on over and put them to use in my foyer.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Why You Rarely See Family Photos
Take 1. Two out of three isn't so bad...but I'm vain. This won't do.
Take 2. This is better, but Joe wasn't hanging around for the foolishness.
He's cuter by himself anyway :)
Thursday, April 23, 2009
"Grilled" Chicken Tenderloins
Do you see those quotation marks? That's my way of saying that this is all a ruse. These tenders aren't really grilled. They turn out similar to Cracker Barrel's "grilled" chicken tenders. What? You didn't know those weren't grilled? These chicken tenders are ridiculously easy and delicious. Even my sweet neighbor who swears she doesn't cook, now makes these on a regular basis.
Here is what you'll need to make these lying, cheating "grilled" chicken tenders:
Yep, that's it.
--Some chicken. I don't buy tenderloins, I buy breasts because it is unnecessary to pay twice as much for cut up pieces when I can just suck it up and cut them myself.
--1 cup of zesty italian dressing. Notice I use the walmart generic. I have tried other kinds, but that kind works best for this recipe in my opinion, plus, it's super cheap.
--2 teaspoons of lime juice
--3 teaspoons of honey
--something to shake it all up in (the blue thing) I use the blue thing because it's marked in ounces. It never fails, every time I make this, I have to google "how many ounces in a cup"
Don't judge me.
Now, what I generally do is mix everything up, pour it on my chicken and let it marinate for a little while, but it's not totally necessary. Here goes!
Wait! Not yet! Check out the price of that chicken!!! I bought about six packages on sale at Publix!
Okay, for real this time..... Cut your chicken into strips. I didn't photograph this because I had chicken goo on my hands and my assistant was otherwise engaged. HAHA! right....
Once your chicken is cut up, measure your liquid ingredients into something with a lid. I like this marked water bottle because once the internet confirms how many ounces are in a cup, I can just squirt the dressing right in. *TIP* before you squeeze your honey into the measuring spoon, spray it with nonstick spray, that way it will just plop right out!
Once you have your dressing, lime juice, and honey in the container WITH THE LID ON TIGHT,
Shake Very, VERY well, reminisce about your bartending days, and marvel at your ability to take an action shot with one hand in motion ;)
Pour that concoction down over your tenders. Let it sit a while if you can, if not, go ahead and get a good sized pan heating on medium heat on your stove. When it's warmed up...
Dump the whole mixture in the pan. Chicken, liquid...everything. The liquid is going to take 30-40 minutes to reduce, but it does not require constant attention.
Make sure they are good and spaced out in the pan. Around the 10-15 minute mark, flip them. You don't want to mess with them too much because they will fall apart.
Oh yes....yum. This is about the 20-25 minute point. As the liquid starts to thicken into a saucy kind of glaze, it will stick to the chicken. Bet when you dumped that liquid in the pan you thought I was crazy and that this level of greatness would never be achieved....once again...I prevail! Well, I guess chicken prevails.
Here we go....my friends, you have now hit the jackpot of chicken glazeyness. When you get to this point, here is what you need to do:
Before removing tenders from the pan, rub each one around in the goodness in the pan.
YUM!!!
If you have Calphalon or other nonstick pans, thank your lucky stars, because that goo will just slide right out. If not, remind your husband that it is his night to clean the kitchen.
Enjoy!
Here is what you'll need to make these lying, cheating "grilled" chicken tenders:
Yep, that's it.
--Some chicken. I don't buy tenderloins, I buy breasts because it is unnecessary to pay twice as much for cut up pieces when I can just suck it up and cut them myself.
--1 cup of zesty italian dressing. Notice I use the walmart generic. I have tried other kinds, but that kind works best for this recipe in my opinion, plus, it's super cheap.
--2 teaspoons of lime juice
--3 teaspoons of honey
--something to shake it all up in (the blue thing) I use the blue thing because it's marked in ounces. It never fails, every time I make this, I have to google "how many ounces in a cup"
Don't judge me.
Now, what I generally do is mix everything up, pour it on my chicken and let it marinate for a little while, but it's not totally necessary. Here goes!
Wait! Not yet! Check out the price of that chicken!!! I bought about six packages on sale at Publix!Okay, for real this time..... Cut your chicken into strips. I didn't photograph this because I had chicken goo on my hands and my assistant was otherwise engaged. HAHA! right....
Once your chicken is cut up, measure your liquid ingredients into something with a lid. I like this marked water bottle because once the internet confirms how many ounces are in a cup, I can just squirt the dressing right in. *TIP* before you squeeze your honey into the measuring spoon, spray it with nonstick spray, that way it will just plop right out!Once you have your dressing, lime juice, and honey in the container WITH THE LID ON TIGHT,
Shake Very, VERY well, reminisce about your bartending days, and marvel at your ability to take an action shot with one hand in motion ;)
Pour that concoction down over your tenders. Let it sit a while if you can, if not, go ahead and get a good sized pan heating on medium heat on your stove. When it's warmed up...
Dump the whole mixture in the pan. Chicken, liquid...everything. The liquid is going to take 30-40 minutes to reduce, but it does not require constant attention.
Make sure they are good and spaced out in the pan. Around the 10-15 minute mark, flip them. You don't want to mess with them too much because they will fall apart.
Oh yes....yum. This is about the 20-25 minute point. As the liquid starts to thicken into a saucy kind of glaze, it will stick to the chicken. Bet when you dumped that liquid in the pan you thought I was crazy and that this level of greatness would never be achieved....once again...I prevail! Well, I guess chicken prevails.
Here we go....my friends, you have now hit the jackpot of chicken glazeyness. When you get to this point, here is what you need to do:
Before removing tenders from the pan, rub each one around in the goodness in the pan.
YUM!!!If you have Calphalon or other nonstick pans, thank your lucky stars, because that goo will just slide right out. If not, remind your husband that it is his night to clean the kitchen.
Enjoy!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Only while driving through Homewood, Alabama...
...Will you see a bass boat being pulled by a Lexus. Priorities, people....we have them!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Face Melting Mac and Cheese
Yes, it's that good. It will melt your face off, so be prepared. If you have 30 minutes to make this, you will never, ever eat anything powdered or Velveeta related again. Ever. The only person I know who doesn't like Mac and Cheese is my Dad, and that's because he doesn't like cheese, but between me and you...one bite of this and he would convert.
Here's what you will need for this amazing and not-so-low-fat heavenly dish:
2.5 cups of milk (I use 1% because that's what I drink)
1 lb shredded cheddar (I like sharp)
2 tsp. ground mustard (Don't ask me why, that's just how I learned it)
1 egg (also, don't question my madness)
1 lb pasta (I know that's not technically macaroni but I like the corkscrew better)
1/4 cup butter (yes, I call that butter but I would recommend using real butter)
1/4 cup flour
salt and pepper
Not too bad right? OK, here goes! Get some water boiling and preheat the oven to 350.
When your water is boiling, add the pasta. Now listen up, this is important: Do not let the pasta get overcooked!!! Cook it under al dente. If the package says 9 minutes for al dente, cook it only 6 or 7. Is it weird that I love this photo? I totally do! You should enlarge it and appreciate it's awesomeness.
Back to business. If you have 2 big pots, you can go ahead and start your sauce. If you are a minimalist like me, and have only one big pot, wait for your pasta to finish....
Drain it and enjoy the pasta facial, because that's the only kind you'll be getting this year. We're in a recession you know.
Now that you have your big pot back...
Put your 1/4 cup of butter (or 1/2 stick) in the big ol' pot.
Add the 1/4 cup of flour to the butter and be prepared to WHISK like your life depended on it. This will be the roux and if you don't whisk it good, you'll wind up with little bread balls.
This is a hard phase of roux-ness for me to define, I think it works better with real butter, not margarine but the taste is the same. Keep whisking for about five minutes.
When you can't stand it anymore, add your 2.5 cups of milk and keep on whisking.
After a few minutes it's going to start getting reeeeal thick. Almost like gravy.
Add your 2 tsp of ground mustard. This will not make your mac and cheese taste like mustard, I promise. I wish my camera had a "food" setting. Once again...keep on whisking.
Now turn your attention to my nemesis, the egg.
Beat the egg in a separate bowl. I hate eggs with a passion and I don't know why it has to go in there, but it just does, I'm told.
Now you have to temper your egg. You do this by taking a little scoop of the hot gravy stuff and pouring it into the beaten egg and...you guessed it...Whisking! Do not be tempted to pour the egg straight into the hot gravy stuff...this will result in little pieces of scrambled egg in your mac and cheese and you being a bad pupil. Don't say I didn't warn you. If there are pieces of egg in your mac and cheese, don't say you got the recipe from me because everyone and their mom knows I don't eat eggs.
Now that that's out of the way...
Pour your tempered egg mixture back into the sauce and stir. I'm going with stir because I'm tired of saying whisk. Now would be a good time to salt and pepper too. I totally forgot to do it this time and we all lived....just sayin'
Refrain from eating this as is....we haven't even added the cheese yet!
Now...start adding your best friend cheese. This bag has a pound and I added almost the whole bag. I saved a handful to go on top.
Oh dear. Mix that together...
Add the pasta that's been hanging out in the colander in your sink.
When it's all mixed together good, you have some choices. You can take the whole pot and a spoon and lock yourself in the bathroom if you'd like...but I don't recommend it. This is NOT a low fat dish, but I don't devote my life to counting calories, instead, I eat very modest portions of the things I love such as this face-melting mac and cheese. Bear in mind I didn't exactly hit the genetic jackpot in terms of health, so I enjoy my comfort foods conservatively. Here's what I do with this mountain of mac. This amount equates to sixteen Rachel-sized servings. I know...you don't trust the math of the English major, but I figure there are 3 of us eating and a leftover portion for Jason's lunch...makes four portions....multiply that by....carry the two....anyway, here is my solution for not bingeing on this glorious stuff:
Three portions go directly into foodsaver bags and the last portion goes into a baking dish to be covered with more cheese and baked. If you don't have a food saver, go ahead and plan on buying one....I'll wait....
They are great if you buy in bulk like I do, but if you don't have one, you can freeze your portions in freezer bags. When you want mac and cheese, just take out a bag and put it in the sink in the morning. By dinner time, it will be thawed and ready to go into the oven to give it a bubbly, cheesy crust.
As for the portion you're going to eat now:
Put it in a baking dish and sprinkle some cheese on top. Bake at 350 for 20 minutes. Yes, that is 4 Rachel-sized portions. I just can't allow myself to eat this with reckless abandon. If you were blessed with rabbit-fast metabolism and blissfully lubricated arteries, go for it.
Serve with a protein and a vegetable to make you feel better about yourself...
Those are my "grilled" chicken tenderloins, made without the grill. If you're sweet and compliment my mac and cheese, I'll post the recipe for them too. ENJOY!
Here's what you will need for this amazing and not-so-low-fat heavenly dish:
2.5 cups of milk (I use 1% because that's what I drink)
1 lb shredded cheddar (I like sharp)
2 tsp. ground mustard (Don't ask me why, that's just how I learned it)
1 egg (also, don't question my madness)
1 lb pasta (I know that's not technically macaroni but I like the corkscrew better)
1/4 cup butter (yes, I call that butter but I would recommend using real butter)
1/4 cup flour
salt and pepper
Not too bad right? OK, here goes! Get some water boiling and preheat the oven to 350.
When your water is boiling, add the pasta. Now listen up, this is important: Do not let the pasta get overcooked!!! Cook it under al dente. If the package says 9 minutes for al dente, cook it only 6 or 7. Is it weird that I love this photo? I totally do! You should enlarge it and appreciate it's awesomeness.Back to business. If you have 2 big pots, you can go ahead and start your sauce. If you are a minimalist like me, and have only one big pot, wait for your pasta to finish....
Drain it and enjoy the pasta facial, because that's the only kind you'll be getting this year. We're in a recession you know.Now that you have your big pot back...
Put your 1/4 cup of butter (or 1/2 stick) in the big ol' pot.
Add the 1/4 cup of flour to the butter and be prepared to WHISK like your life depended on it. This will be the roux and if you don't whisk it good, you'll wind up with little bread balls.
This is a hard phase of roux-ness for me to define, I think it works better with real butter, not margarine but the taste is the same. Keep whisking for about five minutes.
When you can't stand it anymore, add your 2.5 cups of milk and keep on whisking.
After a few minutes it's going to start getting reeeeal thick. Almost like gravy.
Add your 2 tsp of ground mustard. This will not make your mac and cheese taste like mustard, I promise. I wish my camera had a "food" setting. Once again...keep on whisking.Now turn your attention to my nemesis, the egg.
Beat the egg in a separate bowl. I hate eggs with a passion and I don't know why it has to go in there, but it just does, I'm told.
Now you have to temper your egg. You do this by taking a little scoop of the hot gravy stuff and pouring it into the beaten egg and...you guessed it...Whisking! Do not be tempted to pour the egg straight into the hot gravy stuff...this will result in little pieces of scrambled egg in your mac and cheese and you being a bad pupil. Don't say I didn't warn you. If there are pieces of egg in your mac and cheese, don't say you got the recipe from me because everyone and their mom knows I don't eat eggs.
Now that that's out of the way...
Pour your tempered egg mixture back into the sauce and stir. I'm going with stir because I'm tired of saying whisk. Now would be a good time to salt and pepper too. I totally forgot to do it this time and we all lived....just sayin'Refrain from eating this as is....we haven't even added the cheese yet!
Now...start adding your best friend cheese. This bag has a pound and I added almost the whole bag. I saved a handful to go on top.
Oh dear. Mix that together...
Add the pasta that's been hanging out in the colander in your sink.When it's all mixed together good, you have some choices. You can take the whole pot and a spoon and lock yourself in the bathroom if you'd like...but I don't recommend it. This is NOT a low fat dish, but I don't devote my life to counting calories, instead, I eat very modest portions of the things I love such as this face-melting mac and cheese. Bear in mind I didn't exactly hit the genetic jackpot in terms of health, so I enjoy my comfort foods conservatively. Here's what I do with this mountain of mac. This amount equates to sixteen Rachel-sized servings. I know...you don't trust the math of the English major, but I figure there are 3 of us eating and a leftover portion for Jason's lunch...makes four portions....multiply that by....carry the two....anyway, here is my solution for not bingeing on this glorious stuff:
Three portions go directly into foodsaver bags and the last portion goes into a baking dish to be covered with more cheese and baked. If you don't have a food saver, go ahead and plan on buying one....I'll wait....They are great if you buy in bulk like I do, but if you don't have one, you can freeze your portions in freezer bags. When you want mac and cheese, just take out a bag and put it in the sink in the morning. By dinner time, it will be thawed and ready to go into the oven to give it a bubbly, cheesy crust.
As for the portion you're going to eat now:
Put it in a baking dish and sprinkle some cheese on top. Bake at 350 for 20 minutes. Yes, that is 4 Rachel-sized portions. I just can't allow myself to eat this with reckless abandon. If you were blessed with rabbit-fast metabolism and blissfully lubricated arteries, go for it.
Serve with a protein and a vegetable to make you feel better about yourself...Those are my "grilled" chicken tenderloins, made without the grill. If you're sweet and compliment my mac and cheese, I'll post the recipe for them too. ENJOY!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Bowling!
Since my plans for Six Flags got all messed up, we decided to take my parents bowling tonight and we met some of our friends at the bowling alley. Maaaaaybe we'll make it to Six Flags in the morning.
My Mom has awesome form.
Joe's still working on his form...
Joe and Walker size up the inventory.
Waiting....
Walker had a secret weapon....delay of game due to wrong-lane-bowling.
This is what you got for an open frame. I'm not sure why. CAT!
I think this photo is quintessentially manly.
Joe and Walker had fun.
Did I mention that Walker's sister Kennedy is a supermodel?
Adam got some useful glasses from the arcade.
It was a fun trip and I can't wait to go again.
Just in case you were wondering, I bowled an 85 :)
My Mom has awesome form.
Joe's still working on his form...
Joe and Walker size up the inventory.
Waiting....
Walker had a secret weapon....delay of game due to wrong-lane-bowling.
This is what you got for an open frame. I'm not sure why. CAT!
I think this photo is quintessentially manly.
Joe and Walker had fun.
Did I mention that Walker's sister Kennedy is a supermodel?
Adam got some useful glasses from the arcade.It was a fun trip and I can't wait to go again.
Just in case you were wondering, I bowled an 85 :)
How was your day?
Mine? My day? Well, I'm glad you asked. It started with us NOT going to six flags because *thankgoodness* I checked the website last night and they are not open today. If we had driven to Atlanta....Jason would have left me there and picked me up tomorrow I can assure you. This means Joe will have to miss a t-ball game and a very important birthday party tomorrow but we've already bought the tickets. So after waking up and telling Joe and my Brother Adam that we would not be going to six flags, my Mom and I went to the store to get breakfast food while the boys went to get fishing bait. While we were gone, my genius dog found 4 chocolate candy bars in my Mom's bag and, let me tell you, I had to think real hard on wether or not to once again let nature take it's course.
I was advised by the vet to pour hydrogen peroxide down her throat and "wait for her to yak."
Oh she yakked alright...candy wrappers and all.
Yes, my day has been that awesome.
We then progressed to fishing without so much as a bite and a bike with two flat tires.
It's only 3:00.
I was advised by the vet to pour hydrogen peroxide down her throat and "wait for her to yak."
Oh she yakked alright...candy wrappers and all.
Yes, my day has been that awesome.
We then progressed to fishing without so much as a bite and a bike with two flat tires.
It's only 3:00.
Monday, April 13, 2009
A Cat in the Hat Kind of Problem
I was done with my class,
I was finally through.
And I said, "How I wish
I had something to do!"
My homework was done.
My husband was out.
This would be fun,
There was no one about.
So I did the only thing I could think of to do:
Dig!
Dig!
Dig!
Dig!
Weeds that were small
And weeds that were big!
I dug weeds from the yard
With a vengeance quite rare.
My back was on fire
But I didn't care
I pulled weeds 'til my hands
Were calloused and sore,
Then I sat on the ground
And I pulled them some more!
My yard was then free
Of those nasty old weeds.
The problem was now
That they covered the street!
How does one rid
Oneself of street weeds?
Will a cat in a hat
come and handle the deed?
The answer is NO!
There's no magic cat
To whisk them away
With a tip of his hat.
The task must be handled
Quite quickly you see
Or you'll be in hot water
With the housing committee.
So I set to work sweeping.
No need for that cat
To get rid of the street weeds
In five minutes flat.
No more weeds in the yard.
No more weeds in the street.
It was a tough, but not
Insurmountable feat.
The next time you find
Yourself in a fix,
You know that you won't
Need a cat or his tricks!
Just do it yourself
You'll be fine, You will see.
You don't want to anger
The Housing committee!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
The Bird; A Hitchcockian Tale
We have this problem with birds. It's not really our problem, it's more or less the birds' problem. You see, our living room has ceilings that are about 25 feet high and way up on the walls are 5 giant windows that you can see in my snow post. We have some extremely dull birds around here who smack right into these windows on a regular basis. Sometimes it's just a tap, but sometimes it's startling how hard the birds hit. As most of y'all probably know, I'm not much of an animal person, so you're probably thinking I'm heinous and cruel for letting this behavior continue, but alas, I assure you I do my part to break the cycle of destructive bird behavior. I let those windows get as filthy as I can stand to cut down on the amount of open sky they see reflected. We had a bird print until recently when I bought Windex that attaches to the hose. A-MA-ZING!
Spring has brought new flock of idiot birds to the neighborhood apparently.
This story is being recounted second and third hand, but I assure you I would have given a vital organ to have been present for this. My husband didn't even have the decency to take pictures for me. Can you believe that? I can.
It was Thursday afternoon and Jason heard a bird smack against the window. He was alarmed as it was extremely loud and this was the first casualty of the season. It was so loud, in fact, that upon going outside to see if the window was broken, he found the bird lying on it's back being examined by the dog. Luckily for the bird, my husband is much more of an animal-liker than me. I would have...let nature take it's course...but sweet Jason dragged the dog away, gloved up and went to work.
Here is the part of the story where I would like to tell you that Jason administered bird CPR, but luckily for me and, well...everyone, he abstained from putting his mouth on the bird's mouth. He did, however give a few tiny chest pumps and "raise it up and down a few times to try to get him to flap his wings." This went on for a few minutes, I'm told.
Upon noticing that it was almost 3:00, Jason knew he had a decision to make, it was Joe or the bird. He carefully laid the bird on his side on the patio table and left him, in stable condition, to sort out his concussion while he retrieved Joe from school.
When Joe learned that he would be returning home to an injured bird that he would potentially be able to hold, he was ecstatic. He couldn't wait! When they got back home, the bird was still on the table and quite concussed. Jason picked him up and did the up-and-down thing again. When he sat the bird down to give Joe the gloves, the bird sat up, looked Jason square in the face, gave a tweet of gratitude and flew away.
Joe didn't get to hold him but was extremely impressed that Jason was able to rehab the him with no formal bird training. Joe said "Mama, you should have seen Daddy, he held him so gently (cupping his hands) not like those bird mythologists, they just hold 'em like a chicken wing (making a fist)."
Yes, I quoted that directly from Joe's mouth.
Once again, I wish I could have been there. All that's left is the story and some poop on my porch.
Spring has brought new flock of idiot birds to the neighborhood apparently.
This story is being recounted second and third hand, but I assure you I would have given a vital organ to have been present for this. My husband didn't even have the decency to take pictures for me. Can you believe that? I can.
It was Thursday afternoon and Jason heard a bird smack against the window. He was alarmed as it was extremely loud and this was the first casualty of the season. It was so loud, in fact, that upon going outside to see if the window was broken, he found the bird lying on it's back being examined by the dog. Luckily for the bird, my husband is much more of an animal-liker than me. I would have...let nature take it's course...but sweet Jason dragged the dog away, gloved up and went to work.
Here is the part of the story where I would like to tell you that Jason administered bird CPR, but luckily for me and, well...everyone, he abstained from putting his mouth on the bird's mouth. He did, however give a few tiny chest pumps and "raise it up and down a few times to try to get him to flap his wings." This went on for a few minutes, I'm told.
Upon noticing that it was almost 3:00, Jason knew he had a decision to make, it was Joe or the bird. He carefully laid the bird on his side on the patio table and left him, in stable condition, to sort out his concussion while he retrieved Joe from school.
When Joe learned that he would be returning home to an injured bird that he would potentially be able to hold, he was ecstatic. He couldn't wait! When they got back home, the bird was still on the table and quite concussed. Jason picked him up and did the up-and-down thing again. When he sat the bird down to give Joe the gloves, the bird sat up, looked Jason square in the face, gave a tweet of gratitude and flew away.
Joe didn't get to hold him but was extremely impressed that Jason was able to rehab the him with no formal bird training. Joe said "Mama, you should have seen Daddy, he held him so gently (cupping his hands) not like those bird mythologists, they just hold 'em like a chicken wing (making a fist)."
Yes, I quoted that directly from Joe's mouth.
Once again, I wish I could have been there. All that's left is the story and some poop on my porch.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Who Is This Child?
I'm sure I have seen him before. He's quite an elusive creature. Weird? Maybe. But my Daddy will tell you he gets it honestly. I love him to pieces for it.Photo by Tabby @ tabbyart.blogspot.com
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Axe: An Olfactory Assault
Being a college student I encounter some interesting (and blogworthy) sights, sounds, people and....smells? Today, I feel I should give you a warning about Axe body spray. A public service announcement, if you will. I was in class yesterday and someone different sat behind me and just shook up my little world. This gentleman was on the row behind me, making my nose at least 6 feet away from any part of his body. I could smell his "cologne" during the entire hour and fifteen minute class. This was at 2:15. Who smells that strong at 2:15? Shouldn't my nose be "used to it" in that much time? Man, I was miserable, but I was also trapped so I toughed it out. As we exited, I caught sight of said gentleman's backpack and guess what was dangling from his backpack? A little teeny can of clip on AXE.
Heresy! I knew it!
Let me give you some history (I'm an expert on many topics, you see). Axe originated in France and, frankly it should have stayed there. I believe that it's original purpose was for young men to mask their adolescent funk, and for old men to...well...smell young and funky again. Anyway, it's just one of those things that no one wears well. I'm sorry if you believe that it smells good on so-and-so. It doesn't. At least, it doesn't smell good on anyone I have ever met. If you're not sure if you have ever smelled someone wearing Axe, imagine this. A large teenage boy opens a pack of sweet and sour sauce, rubs it in his armpit and plays a game of basketball...in Brazil...in July....then he gives you a hug. That is what Axe smells like.
Some of the Axe marketing campaigns feature men made out of chocolate and catchy, cutesy things for their fragrances such as "Apollo" or "Dark Temptation." Ladies, I hope you will agree that the only reason for a man to smell like chocolate covered popcorn, or marinated flank steak, is if he has been in the kitchen for quite a while. Otherwise, give me scents like "clean" or "soap."
Like most things in life, moderation is key. There is a reason that, historically, cologne has never come in aerosol cans with a high powered sprayer. Leave it to Axe to crush that traditon, or rather, fumigate it. After my hour and fifteen in the proverbial gas chamber yesterday, I must say, there is a silver lining, I won't have to trim my nose hairs for a while.
Heresy! I knew it!
Let me give you some history (I'm an expert on many topics, you see). Axe originated in France and, frankly it should have stayed there. I believe that it's original purpose was for young men to mask their adolescent funk, and for old men to...well...smell young and funky again. Anyway, it's just one of those things that no one wears well. I'm sorry if you believe that it smells good on so-and-so. It doesn't. At least, it doesn't smell good on anyone I have ever met. If you're not sure if you have ever smelled someone wearing Axe, imagine this. A large teenage boy opens a pack of sweet and sour sauce, rubs it in his armpit and plays a game of basketball...in Brazil...in July....then he gives you a hug. That is what Axe smells like.
Some of the Axe marketing campaigns feature men made out of chocolate and catchy, cutesy things for their fragrances such as "Apollo" or "Dark Temptation." Ladies, I hope you will agree that the only reason for a man to smell like chocolate covered popcorn, or marinated flank steak, is if he has been in the kitchen for quite a while. Otherwise, give me scents like "clean" or "soap."
Like most things in life, moderation is key. There is a reason that, historically, cologne has never come in aerosol cans with a high powered sprayer. Leave it to Axe to crush that traditon, or rather, fumigate it. After my hour and fifteen in the proverbial gas chamber yesterday, I must say, there is a silver lining, I won't have to trim my nose hairs for a while.
Monday, April 6, 2009
This Could Be A Problem.
I was afflicted and now I have been medicated. With steroids. This is not the first time, and it is certainly not good. Steroids, as I'm sure you know, have plenty of side effects. Mustache anyone? No thank you! Some people probably sprout muscles on top of muscles, but oh no, not me. Me? I get HUNGRY. This is not just any kind of hungry, this is I just ate a pork chop, green beans and a humongous plate of rice 30 minutes ago and it is swelling inside my stomach and my esophagus, but all I want to do is shove down a head of iceberg lettuce, some popcorn, and an ice cream sundae, HUNGRY.
Do you understand why this is a problem?
I very much want a sno-cone right now.
The worst part is that I am not a person who normally eats very much. I just eat little bits at a time. Really, I should be skinny. When Thanksgiving or Christmas is coming up, I fast for at least 24 hours before the big meal. I usually have to be carried to the table. This is not that same kind of hunger, this is more of a primal need to eat and chew stuff. Sooooo..... if sometime in the next few weeks, you see me popping beef tips like tic-tacs, please resist the urge to snap a camera phone picture or call my Mother or anything like that. This too shall pass...
Do you understand why this is a problem?
I very much want a sno-cone right now.
The worst part is that I am not a person who normally eats very much. I just eat little bits at a time. Really, I should be skinny. When Thanksgiving or Christmas is coming up, I fast for at least 24 hours before the big meal. I usually have to be carried to the table. This is not that same kind of hunger, this is more of a primal need to eat and chew stuff. Sooooo..... if sometime in the next few weeks, you see me popping beef tips like tic-tacs, please resist the urge to snap a camera phone picture or call my Mother or anything like that. This too shall pass...
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Thai Chicken Pasta
This pasta dish is one of my new favorite things to eat. Now, I know it's not technically scratch made and it's rather unusual and bygosh it's not even southern but y'all can just get over it because it's good and costs about $10 to make. So there. Everyone in my house loves this pasta except my rotten little boy. Even my friend Jeanette liked it and she is moderately fancy. She lives downtown, wears scarves even when it isn't cold, and eats goat cheese on a regular basis (common folk like me need not worry, there is no goat cheese in this dish). If you take my shortcut of using frozen mixed vegetables, this takes no time at all. The only problem I ever have, is that the only place I can find the spice mix is at Publix and the mixed vegetables I like come from Walmart. Other than that, this is super easy. I have never met anyone from Thailand but if I did, I would cook them cornbread and lima beans, not Thai chicken pasta for fear of it's lack of authenticity. For the Southern United States, it's just authentic enough. Here is what you'll need to make the Thai chicken pasta:
2 boneless skinless chicken breasts (I once made this with some porkchops that were about 30 seconds from a trip to the trashcan and I'm sure you could do it with shrimp too) $2.66
1 pack of A Taste of Thai Peanut Sauce Mix $3.69
1 can of Coconut Milk--I use "lite" it has less fat than regular coconut milk, don't fret if you don't like coconut, I haven't been brave enough to taste this stuff by itself yet but I have smelled it and it doesn't smell anything like coconut, it smells like feet. $1.75
1 bag of frozen mixed vegetables (unless you want to chop up fresh ones, just a hint: this bag of great value deluxe stir fry mix is cheaper than one single bell pepper). $1.43
1 can of corn (I suppose this is optional, I just have a vision of Thai people enjoying corn) $0.56
1 lb box of spaghetti noodles (also not very authentic......) $0.70 (on sale)
First things first, get some water boiling for the pasta and heat a teensy bit of olive oil in a big ol' skillet.
Trim any fat from the chicken and cut it up, I like it kind of small. It's a sight to see me trying to take a picture without getting chicken goo on my camera! That leaves me doing everything one handed. I need an assistant.
Throw the chicken in the already hot skillet and stir it around. Cross yourself and whisper a "Thank you" to your Mama, Grandma, and Aunts for your kitchen full of Calphalon. Don't let your husband catch you talking to yourself again.
Toss your pasta into the water that you surely remembered to put on a little bit ago. Disregard my ugly toaster, I used to have a nice one but I mistakenly threw it out when I thought it didn't work anymore. The breaker was tripped. I am an honor student.
This is about the time you put some chicken nuggets in the oven for your little toad who just doesn't like the pasta. He eats almost everything else in the world but he can't get a taste for my wonderful pasta. More for me.
Ok! Back to the good stuff! Once you have sauteed the chicken enough so that it isn't raw anymore, put the frozen mixed vegetables in there and stir them around for a few minutes, just long enough to thaw them, they're not raw.
Add your corn. Use whatever vegetables you like, corn just seems suitable to me. Once again, it just needs to be heated since it is already cooked. Reserve some for your little toad who isn't partaking in your pasta.
Now it's time to add the coconut milk. This stuff does NOT smell tropical. You can find coconut milk in the same aisle as taco sauce and bamboo shoots. In Alabama, international food is usually synonymous with "burrito" or "egg roll." We're working on it.
Next, mix in both inner envelopes of the peanut sauce mix. Stir everything around, letting it bubble for about 5 minutes or so.
Here is what you will look for. It can also be found in the 6 linear feet of the international foods aisle of Publix. I have never seen this at Walmart. If you really want this and can't find it anywhere, let me know, I'll try to help.
At this point you should have been keeping an eye on your pasta and drained it when it was done. Whoops, I forgot to remind you. You have boiled pasta before right? RIGHT? Good, I thought so.
Add the pasta into the sauce (I hope you used a big skillet) reserving a portion for the six year old who doesn't believe in combining peanuts and pasta. Mix it together well. Curse your girly forearms.
Serve! Pass out from the sheer deliciousness. Wake up because you remember you have to feed your kid.
Serve his dinner on a monkey plate because you feel bad for being grouchy all day because you had to get a steroid shot in the butt cheek since your body chose to defy you and lapse into anaphylaxis, leaving you a leper.
You really should make this pasta, it's really good. I wouldn't spend an hour making this blog to share the love if I didn't mean it.
2 boneless skinless chicken breasts (I once made this with some porkchops that were about 30 seconds from a trip to the trashcan and I'm sure you could do it with shrimp too) $2.661 pack of A Taste of Thai Peanut Sauce Mix $3.69
1 can of Coconut Milk--I use "lite" it has less fat than regular coconut milk, don't fret if you don't like coconut, I haven't been brave enough to taste this stuff by itself yet but I have smelled it and it doesn't smell anything like coconut, it smells like feet. $1.75
1 bag of frozen mixed vegetables (unless you want to chop up fresh ones, just a hint: this bag of great value deluxe stir fry mix is cheaper than one single bell pepper). $1.43
1 can of corn (I suppose this is optional, I just have a vision of Thai people enjoying corn) $0.56
1 lb box of spaghetti noodles (also not very authentic......) $0.70 (on sale)
First things first, get some water boiling for the pasta and heat a teensy bit of olive oil in a big ol' skillet.
Trim any fat from the chicken and cut it up, I like it kind of small. It's a sight to see me trying to take a picture without getting chicken goo on my camera! That leaves me doing everything one handed. I need an assistant.
Throw the chicken in the already hot skillet and stir it around. Cross yourself and whisper a "Thank you" to your Mama, Grandma, and Aunts for your kitchen full of Calphalon. Don't let your husband catch you talking to yourself again.
Toss your pasta into the water that you surely remembered to put on a little bit ago. Disregard my ugly toaster, I used to have a nice one but I mistakenly threw it out when I thought it didn't work anymore. The breaker was tripped. I am an honor student.
This is about the time you put some chicken nuggets in the oven for your little toad who just doesn't like the pasta. He eats almost everything else in the world but he can't get a taste for my wonderful pasta. More for me.
Ok! Back to the good stuff! Once you have sauteed the chicken enough so that it isn't raw anymore, put the frozen mixed vegetables in there and stir them around for a few minutes, just long enough to thaw them, they're not raw.
Add your corn. Use whatever vegetables you like, corn just seems suitable to me. Once again, it just needs to be heated since it is already cooked. Reserve some for your little toad who isn't partaking in your pasta.
Now it's time to add the coconut milk. This stuff does NOT smell tropical. You can find coconut milk in the same aisle as taco sauce and bamboo shoots. In Alabama, international food is usually synonymous with "burrito" or "egg roll." We're working on it.
Next, mix in both inner envelopes of the peanut sauce mix. Stir everything around, letting it bubble for about 5 minutes or so.
Here is what you will look for. It can also be found in the 6 linear feet of the international foods aisle of Publix. I have never seen this at Walmart. If you really want this and can't find it anywhere, let me know, I'll try to help.At this point you should have been keeping an eye on your pasta and drained it when it was done. Whoops, I forgot to remind you. You have boiled pasta before right? RIGHT? Good, I thought so.
Add the pasta into the sauce (I hope you used a big skillet) reserving a portion for the six year old who doesn't believe in combining peanuts and pasta. Mix it together well. Curse your girly forearms.
Serve! Pass out from the sheer deliciousness. Wake up because you remember you have to feed your kid.
Serve his dinner on a monkey plate because you feel bad for being grouchy all day because you had to get a steroid shot in the butt cheek since your body chose to defy you and lapse into anaphylaxis, leaving you a leper.You really should make this pasta, it's really good. I wouldn't spend an hour making this blog to share the love if I didn't mean it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
