Axe: An Olfactory Assault

Being a college student I encounter some interesting (and blogworthy) sights, sounds, people and....smells? Today, I feel I should give you a warning about Axe body spray. A public service announcement, if you will. I was in class yesterday and someone different sat behind me and just shook up my little world. This gentleman was on the row behind me, making my nose at least 6 feet away from any part of his body. I could smell his "cologne" during the entire hour and fifteen minute class. This was at 2:15. Who smells that strong at 2:15? Shouldn't my nose be "used to it" in that much time? Man, I was miserable, but I was also trapped so I toughed it out. As we exited, I caught sight of said gentleman's backpack and guess what was dangling from his backpack? A little teeny can of clip on AXE.

Heresy! I knew it!

Let me give you some history (I'm an expert on many topics, you see). Axe originated in France and, frankly it should have stayed there. I believe that it's original purpose was for young men to mask their adolescent funk, and for old men to...well...smell young and funky again. Anyway, it's just one of those things that no one wears well. I'm sorry if you believe that it smells good on so-and-so. It doesn't. At least, it doesn't smell good on anyone I have ever met. If you're not sure if you have ever smelled someone wearing Axe, imagine this. A large teenage boy opens a pack of sweet and sour sauce, rubs it in his armpit and plays a game of basketball...in Brazil...in July....then he gives you a hug. That is what Axe smells like.

Some of the Axe marketing campaigns feature men made out of chocolate and catchy, cutesy things for their fragrances such as "Apollo" or "Dark Temptation." Ladies, I hope you will agree that the only reason for a man to smell like chocolate covered popcorn, or marinated flank steak, is if he has been in the kitchen for quite a while. Otherwise, give me scents like "clean" or "soap."

Like most things in life, moderation is key. There is a reason that, historically, cologne has never come in aerosol cans with a high powered sprayer. Leave it to Axe to crush that traditon, or rather, fumigate it. After my hour and fifteen in the proverbial gas chamber yesterday, I must say, there is a silver lining, I won't have to trim my nose hairs for a while.